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Feb 3, 2005
*Everything Ends* and it just began.
So now that everything has finally ended between Jose and I, no contact, no phone calls and no updates for one another, I finally feel alive! I have no idea what's up with that thought but I think it's because these past 7 years I've been feeding off his thoughts.....and now I'm free just to have my own! Not that I haven't had my own thoughts before...but I always seeked his opinion....and I'm certain that he's free of my nasty little dirty thoughts as well lmao.
Things seem to be much better between Byran and me as well, by passing the nasty thing I said to him about never wanting to meet someone online again, we're making it pretty good. I wanted to see him at least once this weekend but I'm heading out of town to cause some trouble back home lol. Or that's what always seems to happen. Anyway I better get going here. Not a lot of time to update.
Posted at 09:25 pm by uncommitted07
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Feb 1, 2005
Days have had their ups and down. Right now I'm a little down because of something stupid I may have said to my friend, the one i met from online. Like we were talking about whatever, and somehow I just said "I don't think I'de meet someone online again because it doesn't sound like something I'll do" and I guess I sent out the wrong message because our whole conversation just went down hill from there. I didn't mean to offend him in that way, thinking I regret meeting him. Truth be told, I think I'm actually starting to like this guy, I just said it in the wrong way. And he's a really great guy, like I actually enjoy spending time with him and I look forward to our little chats here and there. And this is just me people. Everytime I like a guy, I sense a bit of relationship issues and manage to fuck it up for myself. Now it's hard to even say if this guy is upset at what I just said because he is still "chatting" with me, but it's just the weird vibe that's between us now. Or maybe it's just me. I don't know........we have fuck all to chat about that's forsure lol.
So in other news........Jose told me *everything ends* after everything has already ended. Like what the hell does that even mean? But I think it pretty much means we're not even friends anymore! Now I don't want to be the one to bitch about things but its my hobby, it's what i live for.....like what the hell is his problem? We break up and he initiates the whole friendship thing, like that's what he really wanted and it's what I'de try to do. So this past weekend he's like "no I can't be friends with you". And it's fucked up things like these that make me less attentive to boys....like, get a real man already.
So anyway I went to the party with "the guy friend" from my last blog....He's apparently all talk and no action!
I FINALLY MOVED OUT OF MY APARTMENT PEOPLE! GOT A NEW PLACE OF MY OWN NOW! THANK GOD.
Posted at 01:12 am by uncommitted07
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Jan 20, 2005
I finally got the word today that my room mates sister will be moving in after all and I'll be finding a place of my own. That's very nice to hear since I already was looking for a place to stay. So today couldn't have possibly gotten any better, and I then I almost made it on time for work today. This doesn't sound too good but even though I just started my new job here, I've been late a lot of times. I think it's because I feel less motivated to go each time I come here, and let alone, do something! I should be working now but I'm taking a small break. Yesterday was a different day though. I hated my new job, and was in search for another (and found my dream job), but after having a talk with my boss, I feel more confident to get things started on my very own. It's just an affect she has on people I guess. And Yes I did find my dream job, a one year internship not too far away. I think I'm going to apply for it tomorrow so wish me luck everyone! It's so in my field and I know it's something I'll be good at.
As for the men in my life.....not a whole lot going on there. There are still differences between Jose and I. I mean, I'm not so sure if I even want to be friends with him right now. And maybe someday I will explain the whole details of that but let me tell you one thing........never go out with your best guy friends. It's nothing but trouble lol. Especially when you already knew how they were in the past. But like I learned anything from that. It appears that I will be attending a party this weekend with another guy friend of mine from the city. We were friends when I used to live in the city before, and I think we were going to actually be more then friends but then I moved so nothing ever did happen. We kept in touch through our own little chats though so we never really lost touch (thank god for the internet). And that's that. I'm not sure if I want to start anything up with this guy..in away he's kinda cocky about himself like telling me how good he is in the sack, and how many girls he nailed in the past. And sometimes the curiousity get's the best of me, but I wouldn't go that far.
Posted at 08:35 am by uncommitted07
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Jan 19, 2005
So it's been awhile since I last updated. I think the last time you heard from me was when I Met that guy from the internet. Well things are going alright in that area, we're still friends so it's all good. Something weird about that time we met though, it's like the night would never end lol. I didn't want to be rude and be like "ok i'm going home now so I'll drop you off now", and I ended up going to his place. I know I had the choice to not go in his house but a girl is always curious as to how a man lives, and he's got his cool pad. It's nice, but I only stayed for 15 minutes and then I went home. But I was very tired, and didn't want to initiate the end of it without sounding too rude, although I'm scared I may have.
Anyway room mate problems have risen again, and it just seems to be my luck. With still no word if her sister is moving in or not, I'm stuck here to wonder if I should be finding my own place or what? I'm definatley looking that's for sure, even if I don't have all the funds to go ahead with that. And lastnight I swear I can hear my room mate having sex with her boyfriend, which is common but uncomfortable to listen to when you're trying to go to bed. It was the longest 5 minutes of my life! And the most disrespectful I might add.
It's good to know I have my sis in the city to help with my search for a new place. I often get tricked into the finer things in life so my expenses will be watched when it comes down to this. I know she's keeping track of how much I make, to how much I can afford, and that's good because I never do it lol. I'm just good at spending! And that's all I pretty much do in this city lol. Gas is insanely expensive.
Family news, I found out my mother might have Blasto due to our chilling weather. It's been pretty bad and I should be so lucky that my car is even starting in the morning but it is, and that's all it takes for me to believe that my car kicks ass! I'm such a nerd....I should just take a course in mechanics or something.
Work is UGGGHHHH. That's all I got to say about that right now lol. I'll update again later.
Posted at 10:07 am by uncommitted07
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Jan 16, 2005
It's 4:18am where I'm at right now! What time is it there? Anyway I'm just getting back home from my first ever internet meeting with a guy! It was so weird only because I didn't know what to expect from this, and apparently it's not his first time meeting someone online so that's what made it more weird. I was pretty nervous, right up until we went to play pool after bowling. I was so not good at bowling as I thought I would be lol.....I guess some habits do die hard. Had to learn my lesson the hard way, and we're at an equal level when it comes to pool so I know I'm pretty damn good then lol.
The good thing about meeting this guy, whom we'll name Byran, is that we didn't expect a lot from eachother, other than friendship. When we first started chatting I made it pretty clear that I wasn't looking for anything or to be in a relationship, and meeting a guy from the internet for a relationship wouldn't be my last thing. So in other ways I'm glad that the first person I met from the Internet was him because we didn't expect more then just friends from one another. And it's cool like that because now we're officially friends who can hang out when we have the time. I'm not implying that all internet meetings are going to be like this.......in the way that we did it. Truth be told, is that we have the same friends but we just haven't been introduced. I asked around about him and heard he was a pretty trustworthy guy so I just figured "what the hell" I'll meet him lol. And that was that.
So at the end of the day.....it's good to know I had Jose off my mind..and made a new friend while doing it...... I only wish I had a smoke!
Posted at 03:26 am by uncommitted07
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Jan 15, 2005
When you're 23, and an independent young working women you long for living on your own. Me, adjusting well to the city life am ready for that change, and not to mention I did live on my own at the age of 16. So my room mate has this weird act going on but I think it's the drugs or something, or that her boyfriend is out of town for 2 weeks. She tells me yesterday that her sister is moving into our little 2 bedroom apartment, which is not even big enough for 2, in Feb. I'm at a point where I just want to up and leave if finances were good for me at this point, but they're not. So with my luck I'll probably have to wait until March to move out which kills me inside. I don't think I can wait that long.
So the drama between me and my room mate is that we have been friends for over 7 years now, and there comes a time in your life when friends go seperate ways. We still get along but we certainly don't agree on the things we do. She's so much into drugs it drives me crazy, and I'm more of a low key person who enjoys her peace and quiet. She smokes up, does drugs right in our own home and it bothers me to a point where I'm just frustrated with her. And just because I'm not down with the things that she does, with other friends of mine they leave me out of everything else they do. I wouldn't want to fit in with their agenda or so but there are other things we can do as friends then drugs. And they look at me like I'm acting too cool for them! I so don't know what's up with that but I'm over it, just need to put it down some where. Its sad to watch your friends do this to themselves, and sad to say, a friend of mine who is pregnant does these drugs as well. It's silly, it's crazy and it's just plain stupid. Maybe I am too cool for them.
So my roomy gets bitchy all the time, especially when there are no drugs around. It's just how she acts with me, like I'm the problem... I so don't know what's up with that lol. Anyway it's time for me to get going.
I'm thinking of meeting this guy I met online a few weeks back. We know a lot of the same people in our little small city, but apparently we don't know each other! Which is odd enough. We just met by accident online lol. I don't know how that happened. But I'll update on that later.
Posted at 04:12 pm by uncommitted07
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Jan 14, 2005
So a new blog, a new year, and I wonder what will be in store for me this year. I just hope it's better than the last. I sort of taken a whole turn on this relationship stuff with Jose......no more engagement or wedding talk between him and I. We're like up in the air....gone...just friends now! It's hard to be friends with him after so many years of friendship, and then dating. I think once two good friends take a more serious step ahead.....they have to be willing to let go what was formed before, because it is hard to be friends after you went further than that. There are some things you have to let go if you're willing to take that chance, and a lot of risk. In our case, it was our friendship, but we're trying. It's weird but it's a quick hi here and there on the net........but at least it's a start.
I often get cursed at by friends who think I made the biggest mistake of my life. They say I had it, the great guy, the job, the friends, like it was picture perfect......and I'm not saying it wasn't good enough, I'm just implying that I wasn't really happy with who I was when I was with him. And in times like that, you really have to question yourself if you're going to be happy for the rest of your life....which is usually impossible when you already have doubts. I'm not in it for the big dream wedding, or the white dress. But on an another note; I'm not so much of a believer in spending the rest of your life with just one person....and if you're destined to be....then why don't you just do it instead of going all out on it?
So this is the story...I'm 24 years old starting out the New Year single again. It's funny how I'm looking forward to this year, and happy that I'm going at it alone. At least I still have my job, my pride and dignity. I think some people are meant to be alone, and some people enjoy that. As hard as it maybe for some people to believe....I'm one of them!
Posted at 11:10 pm by uncommitted07
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